"I'm afraid to be alone, I'm afraid not to be alone. I'm afraid of what I am, what I'm not, what I might become, what I might never become. I don't want to stay at my job for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid to leave. And I'm just tired, you know? I'm just so tired of being afraid." -Michelle Pfeiffer
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I've tried not be alone now. I'm not afraid now.
After me and Angela broke up, I seperated myself from the rest of the world- my brother, my family, my friends, the blue sky, the sun light. I was alone in my room, reminiscing. Just reminiscing.
She wanted to be friends again. Thanks for another lie- not only have I not heard from you, I haven't even seen you. You've even moved your locker from me- you have done to me what I have done to this world- separation.
And you know what? My heart could care less. My heart beats with the same intensity, the same vibe, the same music as it did prior to my meeting of you. I live on, in a world that was different to ours, but not different as a burden. Different as a gift.
Directly after, I thought of myself as trash. The scum of the earth, the bottom of the garbage can. But how wrong was I? Very! It has only been a month, a month which had seemed like an eternity from you, but suddenly I am wanted again. Not by one, not by two, but by plenty. The dating world is a deep sea for myself right now, a galaxy filled with many stars- and never have I known how many stars wish to have this little piece of garbage which has stumbled out of your yard.
But still, my heart doesn't want to hurt you. And why? That is something that not even the cosmos of the universe could begin to explain upon myself without my brain completely exploding. I just don't want to see you hurt. I'm hiding this. I don't want to hide it, but you chose this path. And I still care for you. Not the love care, but I know you'd be hurt seeing me with these other one, two, three and more women.
That's why I've chosen not to start a relationship of the heart. The only relationship I seek is a relation of the friendship, and a little exploration. My heart yearns for another heart, but with only three months of school until I am out into this world of worlds where I can be thrown into the dirt or become the richest man, I don't have the heart to develop another heartship.
And now, I stop my story of the heart. And I wish you all to begin the story of your own. For heart to heart relationships will bring sadness, I guarantee- but there is no love like harmonius love. Seek it, live it... embrace it.
Good night. I'm off to drink some more

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~Clubs I belong to~



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